It's that time of year again in San Francisco - the stretch of a handful of weeks during which I try my best not to look down too much in public, for fear of seeing some gnarly man feet resembling hairy talons clinched to a pair of Rainbows. Thank goodness the forecast looks to be showing some cooling trends starting on Tuesday, since Monday's reading on the SF Weather Advisory System was: HIGH.
San Franciscans can empathize.
I was at Whole Foods the other day being generally snobby and buying some nutritious fuel for a certain high powered athlete and her ruggedly handsome trophy husband. The troubling amount of man feet I was forced to look at made me so nauseous I could barely locate the $7 coconut water my dear athlete loves so much.
Dear SF (grown, adult, gainfully employed, not in college anymore) men - really?! Can we please retire the flip-flops as acceptable urban footwear, or at least reduce them to beach/pool/tropical vacation/public shower duty as they were intended? I mean, really... it's not like it's 100 degrees out there. I get it, it's nice out. How about a nice canvas sneaker, or loafer, or boat shoe? Anything. Please. And no, man sandals (AKA "mandals") are not okay and I don't care if they're Dolce & Gabbana - this isn't Europe, regardless of whether or not you insist on telling me "ciao" when we leave each other's presence, or sign-off all your emails with "cheers." You don't see me trying to kiss your wife goodbye on both cheeks, so cut it out with the Italian designer leather excuse for wearing what is, in effect, a high end flip flop. The linen man-pri pants should probably stay on the rack at Loehman's as well. THAT'S WHY THEIR MEN'S STORE CLOSED, DUDE. Or, let's make a deal, just clip your toenails like you've seen your feet in the last month - then maybe I won't feel like I'm losing my $11 kale chips the wrong way (Editor's note when re-reading this: I don't actually eat kale chips but it seemed fitting at the time for dramatic effect).
OK, end of grumpy old man rant (almost). I'm officially a curmudgeon. What can I say, I'm not a fan of the man feet. If cargo shorts are the Nickelback of men's clothing then flip flops are the Dave Matthews Band - we're not late for Chem Lab and neither of us has a Scarface poster on our wall anymore. So take a few minutes and put some shoes on, big dawg, so we can hang out and I won't have to pretend I don't know you.
Ladies, on the other hand, keep it up. You look fabulous, especially when it's warm outside - just make sure to hit those heels with some moisturizer, ain't nobody got time for ashy. Don't let the calloused hands fool you.
WOD for 09-27-16:
Skills & Drills
10 Rounds For Time, With a Partner:
You go, then I go, then we rest exactly one minute. Then we repeat that nine more times. Each round is all out.