Let's take a little break from all the CrossFit Games Regionals hubbub to discuss a new mandate that has been instituted as my response to some member behavior which I deem completely unacceptable - moving away from San Francisco, and thus leaving Arena Ready.
It PAINS me when awesome people move away from the city and have to leave Arena Ready as a result. A few of the old-schoolers who had been members from the beginning have moved away for new jobs, to start at a new school, or to start/grow their family in a new surrounding, and every time one of them left it literally felt like a family member (or members) moving away. So much so that I stopped writing about it when it naturally continued to happen, since it just made me sad to acknowledge the reality that some of the amazing people we care about will inevitably find a life for themselves somewhere other than San Francisco. Think about the handful of REALLY cool people that you're sad are no longer at Arena Ready because they moved away from SF (but, of course, you're also happy for them as they've continued to pursue their dreams in new endeavors - whatever those nonsense "life changing" endeavors may be).
Well, I'm sick of it. Yeah that's right, I'm fed up with you people. I realize that the only way we can take on new members is essentially when a person (or two) moves away from San Francisco thus leaving a membership spot vacant... and cold... and heartbroken. But how do you think I feel when someone I actually like and care about LEAVES ME AND I'M FORCED TO TRY AND MEET NEW PEOPLE? And, of course, I then have to also hope that these new people will not ask me why we don't do 40 minutes of man makers, how come we snatch and clean so much ("Isn't that dangerous?"), what I have against Turkish get-ups for time, or say "Hey can I tally my rounds in chalk on the floor so I don't forget where I am?" For the love all that is sacred, no. NO, you cannot write on the gym floor like some hopscotch tournament for adults, and I blame (insert person's name who moved away from SF here) for putting me in the middle of this torturous conversation.
Stop being so damn selfish with your fancy new jobs, and prestigious grad schools, and opulent houses bigger than 400 square feet so your children (or future children, or dog, or cat) can turn around inside the living room without knocking over the Apple TV. Maybe you should pause for just a moment, get outside of your self-serving way of thinking, and remember how fragile I really am. Stop being so self-centered AND THINK OF WHAT I NEED FOR JUST A SECOND OKAY?! My OCD and aversion to crowds should clue you in on the fact that you simply cannot up and leave this relationship that we've so successfully and deliberately established within the safe and tidy confines of Arena Ready. Not until I say so. Which, if you continue to be a cool person, is basically never.
There are a handful of current members who are in the queue to be the newest offenders of my plea for San Francisco-Arena Ready solidarity. You know who you are. Plotting. Planning. Searching for a new place to stay when you move. Thinking foolishly to yourself, "I'm not too worried, I'm sure there will be good ethnic food and decent coffee in (insert crappy new city of residence here)." No, there won't be. You know I never lie about food and I'm not starting now - so if not for the helpless people at Arena Ready whom you'll leave behind heartbroken, I implore you to cancel your pending move for the sake of your own taste buds and penchant for finely crafted caffeinated beverages.
OR, because now you simply CANNOT move. I won't allow it. Yes, you read that correctly. I am instituting a moratorium on any Arena Ready members moving outside of the city limits, and this goes into effect immediately. Moves to Daly City will be considered for approval on a case-by-case basis in light of its easy proximity to Arena Ready and its abundant options of post-workout chain restaurant recovery meals.
Recently one of our own at AR notified me that they'll be starting graduate school at a very impressive institution of higher learning in the fall. Said institution is not located in San Francisco proper. Hogwash. Here was my response, word for word (names have been changed for anonymity and comedic CrossFit effect):
Thanks for sending the picture - it's awesome. We enjoyed meeting your friend Isabel and hope that she liked her drop-in experience at AR - it would be fun to have her as a part of the gym, so thanks for introducing her to us!
I do have some bad news for you regarding your upcoming move... I've recently instituted a strict moratorium on Arena Ready members moving away, so it's essentially no longer allowed. You see, I can no longer handle people we like and care about leaving us, and then having to replace them with people I do not (yet) know... Isabel, of course, is an exception as she seems like a lovely person - and your endorsement of her carries weight at Arena Ready. But you, unfortunately, are not an exception to said moratorium. So, in short, I'm sorry but you're not allowed to move.
Regardless, a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS is in order as we're thrilled to hear about your acceptance into the program at Stanford. Obviously Sarah (and I by proximity) have a soft spot for Stanford in our hearts, so it's cool that you're pursuing a new path in that direction. That said, I'm sure the school will be sad to hear that you've declined to attend their program due to your CrossFit coaches disallowing your move out of the city.
Fear not, I'm sure that more team workouts at Arena Ready will do a swell job in replacing the lessons that could otherwise be learned via group projects with your potential cohort at Stanford GSB. Plus, networking at AR really can't be beat by a bunch of smarty pants people living in Palo Alto of all places... I mean really. As for the actual business school learnings - I think the thesis at Arena Ready is really the same universal lesson to be learned at any graduate school worth its salt... The Journey Is All There Is. Well, that and "never skip leg day" (where were you this morning anyway?!).
Seriously... cut it out, people.
Oh, and my apologies for the liberal use of CAPS LOCK in this post. But hey, I ACTUALLY WAS SCREAMING AT YOU.
WOD for 05-11-16:
3 Rounds for MAX REPS:
Box Jumps @ 24/20 in
Russian Kettlebell Swings @ 70/53 lbs
Row for Calories
There is 0:40 (forty seconds) of work per movement with 0:20 of rest/transition time between movements. There is 1:20 of rest between rounds. Your score is the total reps completed across all 3 rounds.